What's Up, World?

I am just now sitting down to write on this stupid little blog. I don't really know what's kept me away.

Oh wait, yes I do!

I'm smack in the middle of doing National Novel Writing Month! My story is chugging along and I'm right on track. It's so different from last year. Last year--my first NaNoWriMo attempt--was intense in a different way. I was way ahead of my daily word counts and my story took over my life.

This year, I'm approaching this whole thing in a more mellow way. I'm calmer about things. I have my story's path more mapped out, though there are times when I'm not really writing much of substance.

So, what else have I been up to? Let's see. So far this month I've:

• Started my Christmas shopping (yes, I know...I suck!)
• Chopped off almost all of my hair (and I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it)
• Spent tons of time with my family
• Wished I could run away from my office job in favor of becoming a full time writer

The story I'm writing takes place between Thanksgiving and Christmas (so far), so I'm completely confused. I feel like it should be later in the month that it really is. I guess my story is taking over my thinking after all. Ok--time to get ready for bed. It's going to be a busy week. Again.

Going Down the Rabbit Hole?

So I was at work today and was checking through my spam filter to see if any non-spam was caught by mistake. I love spam (the email not the "food" product). It amazes me that people who are intelligent enough to turn on a computer and set up an email account fall for phony pharmacies and sob-story scams. But reading the subject lines and bullshit cons makes me laugh.

Anyway...in my spam filter list, I saw an email with this subject line:

Use Your Carrot Better.

Hmmm....that brings up so many questions and bad jokes. But it made me laugh on an otherwise gray, blah day and I had to share.

Happy Weekend.

WTF, Maine?

So election night has come and gone, and it looks like a slim majority of the voters in Maine have decided to take away the rights of their gay and lesbian neighbors.

How insanely fucking horrible.

Here in Washington, voters are narrowly supporting R-71, a measure that expands rights (but not marriage) to same sex and non-married "opposite" sex partners. It's dubbed the "everything but marriage law." I'm watching the returns cautiously and am hoping that the people of my state do the right thing and reject homophobia and hate.

I hate to recycle posts, but in light of all this "referendum on marriage" crap, here are my thoughts from 2008. I said it then and I'll say it now, again: gay rights ARE human rights.

*****

Some people say that homosexuality is a choice. Take a moment and think about this...Would you, if you had a choice, make the conscious decision to:

• be looked down upon by large populations of people around the world?
• feel ashamed for loving someone?
• face a possible severing of your relationship with your parents and family?
• join a minority group that has virtually no rights?
• make it very difficult to conceive a child naturally?
• enter into a relationship based on love, but one in which you can never legally marry your partner?

I think the majority of people would say NO: there's no way I would choose to make my life that difficult.

Here's one more thing to consider: gay women are at a much higher risk of developing Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, an endocrine disorder that affects women across races and nationalities.

I offer up these morsels of information because many people believe that homosexuality is a choice. I say, eloquently, bullshit. No one would choose to live a life as difficult as a life of a homosexual. And if homosexuality really is a choice, why is it that lesbians have an increased chance of developing a non-communicable disease like PCOS? What's more: if it's a choice to be gay, than it must also be a choice to be straight. And again, I say: bullshit.

I grew up knowing full well that I was sexually and emotionally attracted to men. I have always wanted to have a husband. And I would bet you that the millions of gays and lesbians all over this world grew up also knowing without a fraction of a doubt what type of human they were attracted to.

Regardless of whether you can choose to be gay or if sexuality is, as I believe, something you are born with, gay rights are ESSENTIAL to our human rights. We cannot live in a truly free country if we deny basic rights, like marriage, health care, adoption rights, etc. to a portion of the adult population.

Honestly, I cannot, for the life of me, understand how gay marriage could negatively impact my straight marriage. Sure, some say it all goes against what "god" intended, but since when does "god" get to write laws? As I've said in the past on this blog: who would Jesus discriminate against?

Here's how I would fix the whole gay marriage mess: I would make all "marriages" be civil unions: a legal joining of two people into one family. If people want this union to be recognized by their church, they can have a religious ceremony and be seen as united in the eyes of "god." But legally, unions between two consenting adults over the age of 18 would be considered civil unions. What's wrong with that? It takes the religious angle out of the legal considerations, and grants the same rights to all people.

The danger in discriminating against gay people is that it makes it much easier to discriminate against other groups. Where does the discrimination end? And when will people start seeing that real life in America is more like Animal Farm: all are created equal, but some are more equal? This is not something we should embrace. Until basic rights are universal, amongst all groups, we are not a free nation.

Take this famous poem from World War II as a warning:

First they came for the Communists,
- but I was not a communist so I did not speak out.
Then they came for the Socialists and the Trade Unionists,
- but I was neither, so I did not speak out.
Then they came for the Jews,
- but I was not a Jew so I did not speak out.
And when they came for me, there was no one left to speak out for me.

And remember: gay rights are human rights.

Here's To Another Week

Sunday was wicked busy...as usual. And to make matters worse, it was the day Daylight Saving Time ended. I woke up too early. I had to go to the grocery store. I started NaNo-ing. I even wrote my makeup blog for the majority of the week. And I ended the day with 2885 words under my belt....ahead of the 1,667 word a day requirement. Yay me!

This week's going to be tough. For one, it's my first full work week in ages (I took off one day to be at the beach a couple of weeks ago, and then took off on Friday to hang out with my hubby the day before our anniversary). I have to work late tonight, so that's going to cut into my writing time (stupid damn work!). And have you noticed that it's super dark way too early? Ugh. I hate the whole time change thing. I say we should just leave Daylight Saving Time year-round. To hell with this "spring ahead, fall back" crap.

I have no intention of doing NaNoBloPoMo (like NaNoWriMo, but you have to blog ever single day for a month--yikes!) since that might just push me over the edge. But I just wanted to report my NaNo progress thus far. I'm not entirely sure where I'm headed and what will happen on the way to 50K, but it should be interesting.

Hope you all have a good week. I'll write when I can!

Woefully Unprepared

Holy mother of god. It's November 1st, the start of NaNoWriMo. I'm set to embark on the 50,000 words in a month journey, and I'm feeling terribly unready for this mania to start. Last year was so different. I had characters fleshed out in my mind. I had plot lines and scenes dancing through my head before my fingers even touched the keys.

This year?

Let's just say: what a difference a year makes.

I have a vague idea of bigger themes I want to address. I have a general idea of my two main characters. I sorta kinda not really know what I want, but I don't know how it's all going to start, develop, or end. It's all a great big mystery.

But like I said earlier, I need to absolve myself of strict adherence to the crazy 50K-in-a-month word count. I just need to take time to explore, to meet my characters, figure out their reality, and get a good, coherent story down in how ever long it takes.

It's a hell of a lot of work.

If any of you are NaNo-ing this year and want to buddy up, click here for my user info. Off to type my brains out!

NaNo MoFo!

Even though I'm a lame ass blogger, I think I am going to take the plunge once again this year and participate in National Novel Writing Month in November. Yup. 30 days of panicked, crazed, word count driven writing. 50,000 words, 30 days. Woo-hoo.

I did well last year. I blew past the 50K word count well before the end of the month. But I was left with a mess on my hands, and even now...almost a year later...I have not gone back to edit the damn thing.

This year I may not worry so much about word count and hitting 50K. I think I'll focus more on being organized, getting things down clearer and better, and doing what I used to do: write every day. I miss that old habit of mine.

So here I go again. November = NaNoWriMo. But really it just means a time to make writing a priority...and that's a good thing!

Monday, Monday

Today is a gray, gruesome rainy day in the Seattle area. Living here, you get used to the rain as soon as September slips away, taking with it the sun and the false promises of summer's ease. October ushers in the rain. November? More rain, but with the added pleasure of wind. And by winter, all we know is dark, dreary days and dark, dreary nights.

Normally, I'm fine with the gray. I like it. Hell, at times I love it. A few years back we were in store for something like 30+ consecutive days of rain, and I couldn't have been happier. It reminds me of England, with the short days and long nights in the fall/winter. And rain is almost always better than snow.

But today? I'm not feeling the love. I'm preoccupied with other things that I don't have the energy to blog about, and the bleakness of a brutal, rainy Monday only adds to my confusion, speculation, and overall uneasy pensiveness. All this water....it makes me want to go back home so I can curl up by the fire and forget all about Mondays.

Photo above: low clouds over the Olympic Mountains, near Lake Quinault (taken by me 10/18/09).

How Was Your Weekend?

I'm just back from a long weekend at the beach with my husband and parents. While we were there, we went to the rainforest and saw all kinds of pretty--like the photo above.

Now? It's back to work, back to reality.

Oh well...all good things come to an end! I so need to win the lottery so weekends like this past one can be more normal and less the exception. *Sigh*

It's In the Stars

I just flipped my page-a-day horoscope calendar thingy at my desk, and I'm liking today's forecast. Here goes:

If your work obligations appear to be edging out your creativity, seek balance. There's a middle ground between grasshoppering all your days away and anting yourself to death.

Here's to more grasshoppering!

Happy Friday.

Family Jewels

First off: I've been a sucky blogger as of late. I say I'm going to write here and then BAM! I'm gone for days on end without a word. I'm so stinking inconsistent.

Anyhoo...

So I mentioned in my last post that GaGa, my maternal grandmother, died at the very start of the month. It's still weird to think that she's not alive, not in her condo overlooking the Atlantic Ocean, not falling asleep on the couch in front of the TV, not talking to everyone withing a 20-block radius. Death is just so...final.

My aunt and uncle are starting to go through my grandmother's stuff, and somehow I've ended up with all the jewelry. And wow! GaGa had some amazing pieces. I've gone through the boxes of jewels are few times now, and every time, I find some new treasure. My grandmother had quite the collection: earrings of all sizes, pins to match many of those said earrings, a half dozen rings at least, necklaces, and tons of bracelets. The most interesting things I've found are a handful of charms that seem to date back to the late 1800s (they must have been my great-grandmothers?), a masonic ring, and a watch fob that belonged to my great-grandfather.

My plan is to go through everything, fix many of the broken things, clean stuff up, and get it all organized. I have every intention to wear as much of GaGa's jewelry as I can. I know it's just "stuff," but I hope that by caring for and wearing my grandmother's jewels, I can honor that glamorous side of GaGa that I now only get to see in photos.

And for that, I feel fortunate.

The Hard Fall

Holy mother of god. So far, this fall has sucked the big fat one. Normally, Autumn is the best season for me. I got married on Halloween, I love the way the air feels, and I can think of no other season I like better. But I must say, I'll be happy to see this fall give way to a new season.

Shall I recap?

Ok--so on the work front, things have been busy. That's fine...that's normal. But then a certain someone who caused me major grief and anxiety at work in the spring has decided to keep up with the bad behavior and make life a misery now that we're into the new school year. I have to set aside my anger and frustration with this person and just realize 1) that he's a bully and 2) he's not out to get me...he's just out to get my boss. Still...that whole situation is yucky and the less that's said or thought about it, the better. (Motherfucker!)

On the home/health front, my husband got a bizarre infection on his nose. What was a scratch turned out to be a nasty infection that we feared was MRSA (thankfully it wasn't). My hubs is getting better, but it's taken a while to get back to normal. And it's required mega doses of antibiotics (and subsequent bad reactions to said antibiotics) and hours of worry.

So last week I thought I was finally pulling it together. I felt ok about work. I was prepared. I was going to take life by the horns.

Well, guess what? I got gored!

On Thursday, my maternal grandmother died. She was 91 years old, but she hadn't been in bad health. She was supposed to be moving out here to the west coast from her lifelong home in Maryland in November, and my mother had been busy getting everything ready for her to move here. Both of my mom's parents are now dead. My connections to the Eastern Shore of Maryland now reside only in my mind. My memories are really all that's left, and that doesn't seem quite fair or adequate. I'm not a sentimental person, but I am a cryer. And Thursday was spent feeling like I was in a daze and like I couldn't cry anymore.

And then came Friday. I woke up at 5:00 am feeling cold. Achy. Sick. I fought it for an hour, then coudn't fight anymore. I managed to come down with my nephew's stomach flu. Awesome. I spent the day sleeping, taking tiny sips of water, puking, washing out my vomit bucket, brushing my teeth, washing my hands, and going back to bed (in that order, for hours on end). My fever topped out at 102 and I started feeling better 24 hours later.

I have never missed this much work! But to hell with it. I have to take care of me and the people I love because really...what's more important? Work or family? The answer is obvious.

So...I'm hoping once again that this shitty Autumn of my discontent has calmed down. To GaGa, my grandmother, I say rest in peace. I hope you're some place better with PopPop and Willy. Ocean City will never be the same again.

Here's to finding happiness where we can. I leave you with one of GaGa's favorite sayings: Have a good one.

Indeed.

(I'll try to be better about posting here at OMG Girl. Hang in there with me!)

Inspiration In Weird Places, Part 2

As the good hockey fan that I am, I went to the home opener of our local WHL (minor league) hockey team last Saturday. At the game, I saw a sign with this quote from Wayne Gretzky:

You miss 100% of the shots you never take.

Now normally I would scoff at this kind of quote. I’d chalk it up to dumb jock inspirational crap. But as I sat waiting for the on-ice carnage that is hockey to begin, I reread the sign without my skepticism and nodded.

It’s a pretty damn true statement, one that puts the onus of success squarely on the individual. It’s far too easy to sit back and let life happen around you. And doing so almost guarantees that nothing out of the ordinary will happen. No. You have to at least try…and try…and try…if you want to be a success.

So, with Gretzky’s words in mind, I’m setting down some of my own writing goals and I’ll be taking aim at them in earnest. What’s the worst that can happen?

WRITING GOALS
1) Draft and finish a short story each month.
2) Get off your ass and READ! At least six books between now and the end of the year.
3) Consider NaNoWriMo again. Take the month of October to think, plan, plot, and decide to do it…or not.
4) Keep a pad close by at all times to take notes and collect ideas.
5) Do your homework: read everything, research opportunities, be open to things, explore, explore, and explore some more.

(Hockey players and bathrooms...who knew they could provide words of wisdom?)

Banned Together

On a lighter note from yesterday, I just wanted to make sure everyone knew it is Banned Books this week. So many of the great books, works of art, and thoughts of our time are controversial and raise a level of panic among those who don’t like to have their little worlds and tiny beliefs challenged. Pathetic.

In honor of the continuing struggle for freedom of thought and expression, go to your local library and pick up a controversial book. Check out the banned books website for activities going on around the country.

To quote En Vogue (as I rarely do): Free your mind and the rest will follow!

By the way: The book pictured above is awesome! It's beautiful and tells a story of love and family. No wonder it was banned. I love this book and it breaks my heart to think that close minded people consider it's message harmful in any way.

Perspective

I said the other day that I was feeling “off”. But there are probably better ways to put how I’ve been feeling lately. “Off” doesn’t do it justice. I’ve been feeling fearful, uncertain, trapped, powerless. And I don’t like admitting to any of those things.

To get out of our mutual funk, my husband and I spent a great deal of the weekend outside. We went to a conservation area that took us out into the woods, among huge evergreens and ferns as tall as my shoulders. We went to a botanical garden we’re very familiar with and explored areas we had never seen before. We took advantage of the sunshine and mild temperatures to surround ourselves with green.

I always feel small out in nature. The massive trees and their silent, ever solid presence gave me much needed perspective: None of the petty squabbles and grabs for power at work mean a damn thing; they’re inconsequential. None of the worry and fear I carry around inside me can change anything. While fear and worry are powerful emotions, they do nothing to positively impact the situation. The only thing that can result in real change is force.

And so I left my weekend feeling like I could breathe again, feeling that my place in the world is small but not unworthy. I’ve made a pact with myself: I need to DO more and worry less. I have to turn negatives into positives and work on letting go of things I can’t control. I need to reexamine my perspective from time to time to get a more accurate handle on my life. So maybe it was my perspective that’s been “off” these past few weeks. And if that’s the case, I only need to refocus in order to set things right.

Here’s hoping for inner peace.